Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
