he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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