so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
How's work?
Spinning.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
