we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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