talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My day in three words: secret purse cake
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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