2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
