I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize