Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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