my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
