When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
