If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
