So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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