I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
