It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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