you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
