your parents love me but you hate me
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
there's paper in my vomit.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
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