Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
