Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
