moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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