i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
