Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
