I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
