i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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