Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
