Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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