I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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