You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
