He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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