Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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