you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
