# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize