Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
