i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
