I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
