My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
