some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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