Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
