mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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