i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
is it fun? or sober?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
