My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize