Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
