Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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