If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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