I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
