In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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