Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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