oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize