i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
