no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
babies were throwing up all over the place
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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