I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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