Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
