Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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