I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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