btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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