I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
