i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
