Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
