yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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