I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
