im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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