I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize