Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Im part way to drunk.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
