Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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