dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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