this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
